Daddy*drama Diaries (on Our Nanny) - The Drama Continues
As you can probably guess from the title of the post, our nanny drama continues. The third one didn't work out either. Before you accuse us of being too picky or impossible to work with, let me point out that this is the first time where the ball was actually in our court. We had no control over nanny 1 and 2 leaving.
The issue this time was chemistry, to put it vaguely (and politely). Mommy*drama never felt she was able to communicate effectively with nanny #3. She would share tips and tricks with the nanny on playing with and taking care of our baby. Despite mommy*drama's efforts, the nanny would go about things her own way, which resulted in more trips to the park, less trips to the crib for much needed naps and one cranky baby at the end of the day. In addition, she was frustrated the nanny didn't fill her in sufficiently on how each day went, that's if she filled her in. The last thing any working mom wants is to feel left out of what went on with her baby during the day.
As mommy*drama describes it, finding a nanny is like dating. You either have the chemistry or you don't. In this case, it just wasn't there. Despite our nanny experiences to date, we are hopeful that nanny #4 is our Mary Poppins.
Related posts:
- Daddy*drama Diaries (on Our Nanny) - Nanny #3
- Daddy*drama Diaries (on Our Nanny) - Week 1 & 2
- Adventures of Our Nanny Search in NYC
8 Comments:
It sounds like mommy*drama totally knows what she's talking about. I wish you luck with your MP search.
I could not agree more!
I have put off commenting on this post for a while, but I keep thinking abut it everytime I visit your blog, so I think its time for me to post my suggestion/coment.
If I had to make a suggestion, I would suggest (just a suggestion)that you need to up the anty, go to an agency like my employers did and get a professional woman who knows what she is doing. While mommy*drama might want to share tips etc with her nanny, remember this is her first child, If you have gotten some one experienced, it is probably the nannies 25th charge and she might be offended at being micro-managed. WOuldnt you at work? While it is great to call them "tips on taking care of your child", mommy*drama might have more luck instead refering to her "tips" as preferals. Things you would prefer your nanny to do. And you are entitled to to do that. I think at a nanny agency you will find someone who knows exactly what she is doing. Who wiill happily log the activities for you and encourage your input. But nobody who is a professional will take easily to micro-management. What most will do is keep you completely informed, take your preferals and suggestions and implement tham as discussed in the interview. Profesional nannies know what they are doing and do it well! As I am sure you and your wife do in your own jobs. Yes, at an agency you pay a little more, but you get someone who knows what they are doing and will respect mommy*dramas preferences with time management, playtime etc. As a profesional nanny myself, I know we want to make parents and the baby and goodness even the grandparents happy, that is why we do what we do, but you need to also remember that we are professionals, some are nurses, teacher, childcare developmenters etc. So, be open to your nannies ways too, you can learn allot, and we want to help you as best we can, which means taking care of your child and doing what you want, but also what the baby needs. Sometimes a nanny knows best, other times a mother knows best, you have to talk about this stuff before hiring them. You dont want tons of nannies comming in and out of your childs life. Your baby needs to feel safe and settled, and knowing that everyone around her is consistant and permanent for a while makes for a calmer, better sleeping, happy baby. Invite someone lovely into your home that will be one more person to love your child, one more person to care about you and the needs of your wife. We want to be there for the parents. I suggest you go to a professional. After 4 years, I gave my employers 1 years notice, so we could all prepare for a change in our relationship, I did it because I love the parents as much as I love the children, it went smoothly and we were all excited about our new relationship and friends. After 5 years with them, I fell in love with them as a family. I have been done for 2 weeks now and I just filled up a package of fun things for my ex-charges summer vacation, mailed it to them, emailed the parents and will continue to love them all as I move on to a new phase of my life. I plan on going to visit them in the Hamptons in August and all of us can't wait.
You can find someone who will respect your decisions, who you will respect and know is doing a fantastic job and you could possibly find a friend for your family for life. You just need to look in the right place. I went through a fantastic NYC agency, they ran background cheack, criminal record checks, references etc. Yes I earn a lot more than most nannies, but I give 150% effort! Even when I wasnt working I wsas formulating craft projects, outdoor adventures, learning tools etc. Your nanny should too. If you cant afford it, be picky, dont employ anyone you think might not last. Communicate all you can. You and your wife deseverve someone who will help you, so does your baby.
nanny Louise, I think you have hit the nail on the head.. 3 nannies, none worked out. Something is up with that situation.
After the last couple comments, I feel like I should say something to be fair...
I agree with most of what Nanny Louise said, even the part about micromanaging. However, what I disagree with is that she assumed mommy*drama was micromanaging, which couldn't be further from the truth and is a totally unfair assumption.
First of all, she leaves for work every morning so she essentially is not there to watch over nanny #3. I'm actually the one at home but the nanny does as she pleases. So all mommy*drama can do is provide tips (and they are merely tips) to nanny#3. Second, one would figure that after spending just about every moment of the first couple months with her own little one, mommy*drama would have better knowledge of the baby's sleeping habits than anyone and be in a position to provide tips. We're all for suggestions and new ideas but when mommy*drama comes home to a baby that suddenly takes forever to put to bed, something's up.
Certainly, a relationship, including the parent-nanny one, is about give and take. Everyone shares his/her opinions/feedback on how to do things. We'd be foolish to not listen to what our nanny has to say, especially since she spends the most time with our baby during the day. And if we have tips/suggestions, I feel like the nanny should extend the same courtesy to at least try it and if not, suggest better alternatives. If my boss gives me a tip or a suggestion, you bet I'll pay attention to it or talk it over with him if it's something significant. I don't go off making major unilateral decisions. That unfortunately wasn't the case with nanny #3.
Sure, no parent wants an extended nanny search, but we certainly weren't going to settle for just any other nanny. (If some people had read the previous posts, they would have understood what happened with nanny #1 and nanny #2 before they made sarcastic remarks.) The nanny we want is someone who will love our little one and not treat it as just a paycheck, someone who gives 110%.
Based on how things turned out, I'm glad we made the decisions we did.
While some person named Sarah threw in a comment totally unrelated to my comment, I just want to add that I did not think as this sarah put it that "something was up with the situation"
I was not at all trying to put down your parenting skills. Instead I was trying to make a point more on the finding a-nanny who-will-love-your-children part. I think it is seriously important who you choose and was suggesting how to go about it as well as telling you about my own experience.
If my comment came across as anything other than helpful, I am sorry. That was not my intention. Quite frankly my employers, while being very wealthy and had limitless referals and resources, had very bad experiences with nannies before me. I think their number was almost as twice as high as yours.
So all is not lost when things dont work out. But when they do, it can be fantastic!
Thank you for responding. I love your blog and quite frankly dissagree with sarahs comment. I said nothing about it being your fault. I cant speak for nannies everywhere, but my friends who are also nannies and I, are there to take care of a child and her family unit. Not all nannies are good. I have seen the meanies and the horrid ones in the park and have even followed them to their buildings and left notes with the doormen for the parents regarding their treatment of their charges, so I would never say to hire anyone who you felt wasnt perfect. I would never say it is your fault as parents. All I am suggesting is to be picky. To listen, to learn and ofcourse to tell the nanny your preferences. I do not agree with Sarah and I thank you for your comments to clear up any misconceptions.
Congratulations on finding a new nanny and I wish you all the best regarding the happiness of your family as a unit!
We had a struggle in the beginning with our search but I honestly cannot describe what it is like to find another person that you trust whole heartedly with your children. I was not willing to settle for anyone that I felt the least bit uncomfortable with. Two of the three nannies that started with us came highly recommended by very close friends of ours. They were not simply people off the street or out of an agency. Their not working out with us was not because I’m a micro manager (I wish I had the energy to be sometimes but it is simply not in my nature). We had the bar set high, not only because we knew that there was someone special out there to become a part of our family, but because we knew our daughter deserved a creative, energetic, trusting person to be a huge influence in her life. Trust me, this is not the Nanny Diaries, we didn’t expect anything exceptional from our daughter’s Nanny during the day, we simply required an exceptional woman for the job.
While I sometimes wonder what it would be like to stay at home, I also want our children to know that a balance can exist between family, work and play. Granted, these balances are easier to achieve when you surround yourself with people that you trust and care about. If we had to do it over again, I’m not sure we would have done things differently because the ultimate outcome is better than our whole family could have imagined.
Nanny Louise,
Your comments are always welcomed on Daddy*drama since they're well thought out and very informative. Please don't worry about any misunderstanding since we realize that you're just trying to offer helpful advice.
Enjoy your summer and please keep coming back to Daddy*drama to keep us posted and informed.
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